Jess Wilde of Bondage Gone Wilde at Lovehoney talks about top 10 bondage mistakes, and how to fix them.
#1 Surprises
While surprises might be fun in life, they aren’t for bondage play. It’s always important to talk to your partner beforehand so that both of you know exactly what you are going to try together and how far you can go. Surprising your partner with a spank or a kinky move you have not discussed with them prior to the play might cause them to lose trust in you. And, that is the worst thing you can do when it comes to BDSM. Consent is mandatory in everything you do, so communicating with your partner and setting ground rules must never be skipped.
#2 Research
If you want to get involved in bondage play with your partner, be sure to do a lot of research about it. Do not avoid reading about sex and learning more about it. Study the subject and do not aimlessly try out something in the process. Experimenting without knowledge to back it up for you might ruin the moment or hurt your partner. And, even though some might enjoy slight pain during sex. Remember, bondage is NOT about hurting your partner. Bondage is a fun play that is equally enjoyed by both the dominant and the submissive person.
#3 Safe Word
Do not forget to set up a safe word. The safe word is the word you and your partner agree to use when you want the play to stop immediately, and by immediately, I mean IMMEDIATELY.
#4 Using Your Safe Word
Some subs are guilty of not using their safe word. Fun bondage play is all about trust, so it’s your responsibility to use that word if you need it. If you wait until the play is over and then let your partner know that you did not enjoy the process, they might feel horrible and be apprehensive of trying this with you again in the future. So, be sure not to feel shy about using the safe word when something does not feel right for you and you want the play to stop.
#5 Ignoring Pain
A lot of newbies to bondage think that bondage means it should be painful, but that’s not the case. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is not quite right, and you need to listen to it. BDSM should be a fun experience for you, not an unpleasant one. Don’t push through. Not letting your partner know if something is painful in real time is not fair on either one of you.
#6 Control
A lot of people think that it’s the dom that is in control, but in actuality, it is the sub that determines how far things can go and when to stop. Yes, the dominant one performs the whats and whens of the play, but the submissive person is the one in charge.
#7 Adding Toys
Do not add something new to the play without talking about it first. It can never be stressed enough how important it is to communicate when it comes to bondage. Fun BDSM relies entirely on trust, and when you add something new without prior discussion, it can be a real shock for your partner and break their trust.
#8 Not Talking
With BDSM there is more talking involved than with any vanilla play. It’s more important than ever that you guys check in with each other throughout the play, especially the dominant partner. They need to make sure that the sub is enjoying themselves and all is A-okay.
#9 Talking After
Speaking afterwards is just as important as speaking during the act. Reflecting on the experience you shared together strengthens your bond and solidifies your relationship. It also gives you an opportunity to talk about the things you might want to drop and the things you might want to try next time.
#10 Have A Laugh
Don’t take this too seriously. Sex, including BDSM, should be fun. Explore, and don’t be afraid to laugh together. This should be something fun that you both enjoy. And, as we all know, laughter is good for the soul. It releases endorphins, which are peptides in the brain that act as natural pain and stress fighters.
Keep experimenting, my friends, and until next time!
